The first Baldur's Gate remains one of the best RPGs ever made.

So, I’m a huge fan of Baldur’s Gate, and its many ancillary sequels and expansions.

WindupAtheist over at f13 decided to play through the entire first game with a party of 6 of the most loathsome, self-absorbed douchetoons imaginible. The resulting story is simply hilarious, in a vein with the saga of Boatmurdered, a quote from which inspired this entry’s title.

Sample money quote from Baldur’s Gate: The Baldening:

Where was I? Yeah, I’m standing there pretending to chop up people who can fight back a little bit and thinking of filthy things to not say to Vaere when the rest of the crew runs up and starts hopping up and down like idiot children with too much sugar in them. Okay Garrette wasn’t really jumping around, but the fact that he was even putting up with the others in this state meant a lot. I can’t even get “What the fuck is wrong with you nimrods?” out of my mouth before they’re all squealing “CARNIVAL!” Yeah, apparently the circus is in town or something.

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